just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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