Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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