My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please, let me fuck your mom
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
