mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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