I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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