I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
