3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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