walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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