What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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