Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
