Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
