After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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