Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
