And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
