im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
