drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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