it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
