I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
