my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
