My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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