i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
