Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
True strength comes from lack of pants
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
