You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
