the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
