You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize