How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize