she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
