my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
