im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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