No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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