if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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