imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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