we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
