You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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