I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
