we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
