i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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