I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
