So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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