what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
