the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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