Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
