A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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