You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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