WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
