Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
