She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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