PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
