Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
