you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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