alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
