im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
