census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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