a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
