i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As shirtless as possible
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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