When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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