Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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