I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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