She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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