So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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