And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
