I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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