does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
